The rain gods had so much fun with ChooChoo H3 last hash that they decided to cum again for hash #69+9 – MARDI GRAS! The hare, Cut It Short, enacted CONTINGENCY TRAIL to slake the pack’s thirst for BEER. Five committed hounds arrived at the hare’s favorite haunt, more than happy to get wet. As a reward they received a shit ton of beads, including strands adorned with a handy dandy shot glass filled with FIREBALL.

Sufficiently lubricated for the great adventure awaiting them, the hounds circled up for hare talk. Cut It Short announced to the pack that this was going to be LIVE TRAIL, to which there was much rejoicing. (Yay.) The marks didn’t include a boob check – on a Mardi Gras trail of all things! – but they did include a NAUGHTY CHECK to spank it onward. (A spanking! A spanking!)

The hare was blessed, and he moseyed off into the great beyond. The pack sipped their BEER to give him a good head start. Finally enough time had passed, and the hounds cut their leashes, beads and boobs a-bouncing. The pack settled into a nice canter as Shocker Tom clippity-clopped his shot glasses like coconuts delivered by an African swallow.

After dodging hangry drive-thru traffic for a whopper quarter mile, the pack followed the BEER-shaped beacon to find the hare proffering cold, wet golden liquid. Hounds slurped it up as the hare sauntered off to lay more trail.  The hare was not too clever, though, as the hounds spotted him circling around at a leisurely pace.  Instead of jumping trail and shortcutting to BEER, the hounds stayed true and followed the parade route as laid.

Those marks led to a TURKEY/EAGLE mark, at which point the pack split up to cross either huge tracts of land or regular tracts of land. Both were in luck – they converged on the next BEER check simultaneously. From there, they returned to the starting point for tasty beverages and the most delicious king autonomous collective cake ever baked. F’n B was the lucky, lucky bastard to get the baby, ensuring another year of mediocrity.

The GM called for the pack to circle up and vote on trail.  Despite the hare’s promise of shitty trail, his insistence that the trail was shitty, the pack said fuck you and voted GOOD TRAIL! The hare continued to protest and thus was double charged for excessive whining.  With continued mutterings about shitty trail, he drank it down down down.

There were no trail charges on such a short adventure, but Fifth Sonnet Sinner and Timothy Leery were called out for INTERRUPTUS. Remember, hashers should cum and cum often. After drinking their punishment down down down, the GM called for BUSINESS:

• BRING A HOUND TO WORK HASH DAY! The kennel has accepted the challenge to make at least one friend cum to the next hash. Remember, the only way to grow this shit is to deflower VIRGINS, and growing the hash means more BEER.
• We have an imperial shit ton of NAMINGS cumming up, but that ain’t gonna happen until we have a kennel quorum. It’s been so long since Just Tom finished his third hash that he has now graduated to Shocker Tom status.
• Next trail is scheduled for March 8^th.  This date is subject to change depending on the weather, because fuck the rain and cold.
• The April hash will be ChooChoo H3’s ANALVERSARY of one year consistently hashing. Make hare Timothy Leery proud and celebrate it right.

Thus the circle concluded, the hounds drank the last of the BEER, and the GM dismissed the hash to go in peace to get a piece. True to tradition, and still quite thirsty, they continued the quest for BEER at the nearest cheap Mexican restaurant. Thus ended a day of rain and mixed metaphors.

First in: Cum Analyst
Last in: Fifth Sonnet Sinner
Didn’t kick the baby: F’n B