March is a month. And in that month is a hare. That March Hare arrived in all her glory to ply hounds with BEER and whisper sweet nothings in their floppy ears. For ChooChoo H3 hash #69+10, Cum Analyst made attempt #2 to lay trail in 2025. Joining her was VIRGIN co-hare Just Amy, who had no idea what the fuck was going on but went along with it anyway. Fourteen hounds, one stroller basher, and four AHABs (Assigned Hound at Birth) showed up for this tea party in their bunny ears, sans Dormouse, Mad Hatter, and Alice, and also sans tea – but there was plenty of lukewarm BEER to drink out of dainty plastic cups.
The GM called the hounds to circle up before Shocker Tom had to go pee again. He gave a middling welcome and asked the hares to explain themselves. Cum Analyst noted that while the trail went through Southside (again), it would go through some sketchy areas that had not been hared before nor should ever be hared. The GM thereupon blessed the hares, and the hash was ON ON!
Perhaps this trail should have been named “Dust in the Wind”, because it turns out flour blows away after approximately four hours in moderate windy conditions. The hounds managed to follow faint marks to BEER stop #1, but after that the trail had scattered to the four corners of the earth. The hounds sniffed and scampered through the sculpture garden and across the rugby pitch with no marks in sight. Just Angela finally found TRUE TRAIL but warned the GM that there won’t always be competent lesbians to lead the way.
The marks were occasionally visible from there on out and led in the general direction of BEER. Soon the hounds came upon a TURKEY/EAGLE check. The TURKEYS were quite content to head back to the coop while the EAGLES went in search of BEER stop #2. It was located at the AHABs’ favorite place, Play Wash Pint, but they only got to greet their friends through the fence while their owners consumed copious quantities of BEER back by the dumpsters. The hounds eventually realized they were missing Shocker Tom and Just Franklin. They figured he knew where he was going and said screw him before continuing ON ON!
Meanwhile, back at the A part of the A to A, the TURKEYS sauntered up for an end-of-trail tasty beverage. There they eagerly awaited the cumming of EAGLES. And waited. And waited. For fuck’s sake, where were the EAGLES? Turns out, while the TURKEYS were getting drunk at DOWN DOWN, the EAGLES were still getting drunk at BEER stop #3. Time flies when you order the largest beer at the Greenhouse, have a comfortable seat, and get to yapping.
At long last, the EAGLES swooped into DOWN DOWN. Everyone was ready to get the party started as it was getting pretty cold, so the GM called the hounds to circle up. First up was hare charges, and there was much bitching about TRAIL INTERRUPTUS. That dead spot in the field was not easily forgotten. According to the hares, it should have been obvious where to go since there was only one exit. (These hounds tend to use their noses more than their brains.) The GM said fuck you that’s not the point, and the hares had to drink it down down down.
Trail charges naturally focused on the missing hound Shocker Tom and his AHAB Just Franklin. Just Franklin apparently makes a great wingman with the ladies, but Shocker Tom wasn’t able to close the deal. For that and leaving the pack without notice, he had to drink it down down down. The pack didn’t get off easy though – leaving a hound behind is a cardinal sin, so they also had to drink it down.
This hash had one two-legged VIRGIN to welcome, Just Amy, made to cum by Cum Analyst. Welcome, Amy! Unfortunately, the VIRGIN AHABs were getting restless before they could be welcomed, so the kennel did not take the opportunity to introduce Just Scout and Just Franklin, made to cum by Just Angela and Shocker Tom, respectively. Sucks to be them.
At long last, the kennel came to NAMINGS. Up first was Shocker Tom, who had long since passed the threshold at which a hound is named. He described himself, in particular that he is a cello player – which has some pretty good opportunities with a hunk of wood gripped between his legs. That, however, was overshadowed by his behavior on trail when he cosplayed as King Arthur’s horse. The name of that horse? Patsy. Shocker Tom was too distracted at his own naming to object, so the GM declared that his hash name from here on out is PATSY!
Next victim was Just Angela. Her opening remarks during her introduction were, and I quote, “I’m a big fucking dyke.” That was kinda meh so the kennel asked for more information. She happens to be from Alabama, but the kennel avoided obvious names in reference to sisterly intimate relations in favor of CRIMSON DYKE. Welcome, CRIMSON DYKE!
Down down down to a lot of BUSINESS:
- Next hash on April 5th is the kennel’s ANALVERSARY! It will be a special time to celebrate ChooChoo H3’s 12 consecutive months of hashing, featuring hares Timothy Leery and Walk O’Shamy. As a bonus, the hares are April bunnies, so expect it to include an egg toss and birthday cake. Mmmmm cake.
- Bone Star and F’n B will lay trail on May 10th.
- Upon the conclusion of this hash, four more hounds will reach NAMING status at their next hash. All hounds should make a point to join the roasting.
- Drinking practice on Thursday, March 20th, will be at State of Confusion at 6pm.
- A moratorium was placed on trails in Southside or on Stringer’s Ridge for the foreseeable future. Thank fucking god.
- Scheduling the hash on the second Saturday of the month turns out to be inconvenient. Hashes will now be on the first Saturday of the month, but hares reserve the right to fuck that up.
- Bone Star is a selfish motherfucker who wants the kennel’s website for his own portfolio. He is henceforth the new webmeister and will hopefully improve upon this really shitty site.
BUSINESS concluded, the GM closed the circle so the hash could go in peace to get a piece and continue the fun at Shady’s Corner for the on after.
Only Time He’s Been First in: Cut It Short
Only Time He’s Been Last in: Bone Star
Best Wingman on Trail: Just Franklin
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