Once again, ChooChoo H3 gathered together for BEER, but this time it was special – the kennel’s ANALVERSARY! Hounds and hares had cum together once a month every month since April 2024 in some interesting positions, all in praise of BEER. Nine hounds and three AHABs knelt before the altar of golden nectar and took a communion of cupcakes as hare Timothy Leery gave the rundown. The trail included the ANALVERSARY’S traditional EGG TOSS, it included a TURKEY/EAGLE, it included DEAD PEOPLE, and of course it included BEER. The GM blessed said hare, and C3H3 hash #69+11 was ON ON!

The pack quickly sniffed out the rotten stench of the EGG TOSS. It was a disorganized affair as eggs lobbed gaily back and forth until Crimson Dyke made a bad catch. Despite the hare promising hard-boiled eggs, that egg cracked and left her with a handful of chicken cum. Walk O’Shamy was one of the last hounds tossing it and made a solid catch one-handed. Sadly, her next toss resulted in catastrophic breakage, proving once again that she prefers to be a catcher not a pitcher.

Speaking of pitchers, the thirsty hounds were ready to depart in search of copious BEER. The next quest was to find Biggus Dickus, buried somewhere between Roger and Roderick at the nearby graveyard. Timothy Leery sent the hounds on their separate ways via TURKEY/EAGLE trails, bound to cum back together down the road to the final resting place of Biggus Dickus. However, Leery’s shitty trail looped the EAGLES back to the TURKEY trail, cutting out two fucking miles.

The only clue was that after sneaking through the forbidden but welcoming hole in the fence, Biggus Dickus had a biggus headstonus. Cum Analyst figured that it must be the great phallus reaching to the sky, but alas, that belonged to Johnson. The hounds dashed between Cox and Cummings and Beavers with no Dicks in sight. Finally Crimson Dyke yelled ON ON! at a headstone for Dickas. Leave it to the dyke to find the Dick. The hare greeted them with a copious flow of BEER in hopes that no one stayed too sober to bitch about his trail fail.

The down-down ceremony was a BEER-soaked celebration of the pack’s fuck-ups. First up was trail vote, which was split down the middle as both GOOD TRAIL and NO TRAIL. As the scribe is the one who immortalizes all decisions in writing and it’s up to her what history shall remember, hash #69+11 is officially GOOD TRAIL!

This hash was blessed with one two-legged VIRGIN, Just Maggie, and her VIRGIN AHAB Just Dolly, both made to cum by F’n B. Welcome, ladies! Now the kennel would be remiss, upon its ANALVERSARY to not recognize that we have had around TWENTY VIRGINS attend a ChooChoo H3 hash over the past year, some of whom even came back. A few came often enough to earn their hash names – a shout out to Bone Star, Party up the Back, Patsy, and Crimson Dyke!

In honor of the kennel’s ANALVERSARY, Cum Analyst awarded prizes for the sole reason that she found some cool bottle openers so why not do prizes. First up was Most Improved Hare – Timothy Leery! For anyone who was not at the hash last April, as shitty as this trail was, it wasn’t nearly as shitty as that one. That trail sucked so fucking bad that F’n B staged his bloodless coup to take over as GM. So it’s all Leery’s fault the kennel is stuck with that asshole. Thanks, Leery!

Next up was the prize for Old Bull Walking down the Hill – Cut It Short! Remember, hashing is not a race; overeager young bulls may run down that hill to grab one BEER, but old bulls know that the BEER will always be waiting, cold and copious. Perhaps the most enduring member of the ChooChoo H3 kennel, he takes his time and enjoys the ride. Congratulations, Cut It Short!

Scraping the bottom of the BEER barrel, the kennel recognized Bone Star as the Inaugural Hare. His first-ever haring – nay, his first-ever hash – was ChooChoo H3’s rebirth hash #69 last May. Despite throwing him straight into the deep end, he decided he liked cumming with us and kept on cumming all year. Congratulations, Bone Star!

This hash was blessed with an opportunity for NAMINGS! This was the third hash for Just Katie, thus it was time to end her Just status. As she told us about herself, the pack learned that she liked it both au natural and full bush, but those just didn’t fit. As a marketer, one of her products is one of those creepy full-body deodorants, so the GM called out Takes the Stink from the Pink! Despite howls from the pack, it still didn’t quiiiiiiiite fit. Perhaps she had a nickname in college – but this tough nut to crack was only ever called by her last name, Hartley. Well hot damn if that wasn’t the perfect prompt, and she joined the Cum family as Hardly Cumming! Welcome, HARDLY CUMMING!

The hash also had two AHABs ready for NAMING. First up was Just Scout, a tough little guy who runs EAGLE trails on little legs with Crimson Dyke. He has a penchant for humping much larger dogs with much hairier balls, and was thus dubbed Fuzzy Balls! F’n B’s AHAB Just Ralph was known to be curmudgeonly and despite being only 2.5 years old looks like an old man. His name came naturally as Cranky Old Bastard! Welcome, FUZZY BALLS and CRANKY OLD BASTARD!

All that shit over with, the hash got down to BUSINESS:

• Next hash is Saturday, May 10. Bone Star and F’n B will lay trail somewhere in Northshore with a cookout to finish. This is a Mad Hatter hash, so HATS REQUIRED! If you don’t have a hat, you wear the one we give you.
• Drinking practice Thursday April 17^th, place TBD. Shout out if there’s someplace you’d like to go.
• BRING VIRGINS! Especially for May and its cookout. It’s fun to cum, but it’s more fun to cum with friends.

The train ride over and done with, the GM closed the circle so the hash could go in peace to get a piece, and those who weren’t satisfactorily inebriated continued to the On After at the Tap House.

Most Improved Hare: Timothy Leery
Beer Ain’t Going Anywhere: Cut It Short
Inaugural Hare: Bone Star