C3H3 and the rain gods are tight. We had our differences starting 2025, but eventually realized we had a lot in common, like getting wet. Nothing but sun from there on out! But for the Pride Month hash, they unleashed a pent-up fury with a biblical-level deluge. Why, rain gods, why? We thought we were friends ☹️. Hares Universal Hole and F’n B were still determined to make it happen. They drove through blinding rain to the start and assured the hounds that it would clear up in time, only to be thwarted by Asshole Who Closed the Park for a Private Event. Who does that? Think of the children who were so excited to swing on the swings and slide on the slides and this fucker sends them packing, so now mom and dad have a carful of screaming kids.

After much debate, the hares announced the hash was postponed. As any hasher knows, rounding up hounds is a bitch. They would never get off their asses for a hash scheduled at the last minute. Instead, these clever hares declared that the hash would be at the monthly drinking practice! An event already on the hash calendar, and the hares wouldn’t even have to provide shitty BEER. Since it was a substitute hash, there was a substitute hare for Universal Hole: Cranky Old Bastard. It did have to be abbreviated, however, in order to fit in a hash AND drinking practice AND trivia (which C3H3 always wins).

Fourteen hounds gathered around the table at Mike’s Hole in the Wall in fair Northshore for all the BEER their own money could buy. This hash was for Pride Month, because there are two things in the world C3H3 can’t stand: people’s intolerance of other people, and the Dutch. Of course the gays were fashionably late in spite of the honor. F’n B got tired of waiting on them and called everyone to circle up so he could explain the marks. He was quite proud of his brand-new mark, the Fuck Off or “FO”, which didn’t mean anything except to fuck off. Cum Analyst blessed the hare and Pride Month Hash #69+26 version 2.0 was ON ON, 100% straight except for Saturday nights and the occasional Thursday.

The hounds didn’t expect much of a trail since it was laid by one hare who was lame and another who could barely offer moral support. Having put up with enough of F’n B’s gout-ridden bitching off the hash clock, Cum Analyst knew that any uphill options were definitely false trails and held back. Universal Hole and Just Tux had heard plenty as well and followed suit. Ghost Rider – the purist, the old-school, the over-eager-to-please-but-leaving-her-wanting-should-work-on-his-technique-or-so-I’ve-heard – ran them down anyway. The fresh pups who had no idea what they were doing followed along, only to return to Universal Hole’s warm embrace.

After a mile or so, a true trail mark pointed straight across the road, but there was nothing thereafter. No flour, no chalk, nada. Half of the hounds reckoned they should run the two blocks back to Mike’s and charge the hare accordingly. Alas, Ghost Rider was determined to figure out what the fuck the hare intended. Plus the pack had yet to come across the over-hyped FO mark. They scattered far and wide until someone shouted ON ON! At last they found the vaunted FO, the hounds shouted Fuck Off! to the hares and soon stumbled into DOWN DOWN.

The hounds had to fetch the hares from the bar where trivia had already started. F’n B was impatient to get back in time for round 2, so circle was a quickie. Universal Hole and Daddy’s Little Beaver got an unceremonious necklace-bestowing ceremony. INTERRUPTUS was kinda on the honor system. Bone Star and Pinky Pinky Little Star stepped forward even though they had skipped trail and gone straight to BEER, so it was like double INTERRUPTUS. Eww.

Two VIRGINS dared to join the hash: Just Drew, made to cum by the internet at large, and Just Reston, made to cum by Daddy’s Little Beaver. Just Reston is DLB’s brother – generations of incest, Alabamians in spirit if not in fact. Just Drew heard about the hash a while ago and bookmarked it; today was the day he finally graced us with his presence. Welcome to the hash, Just Drew and Just Reston!

Now let’s get down down to BUSINESS:

• July hash will be hared by Universal Hole, probably the same place it was supposed to be this month and tentatively on Sunday, July 19^th.
• July drinking practice will be at Patsy’s MAN CAVE! We’re going to put it to good use before he moves abodes with a screening of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
• August hash may be a WASH! Daddy’s Little Beaver and Just Gibby are working on the logistics of a rafting trip down the Ocoee. Details to cum.

Circle was then concluded so the hash could go in peace to get a piece. They didn’t have to go far for ON AFTER, because it slid straight into June drinking practice. Unfortunately, F’n B and Pinky Pinky Little Star had already fucked up trivia, so the kennel didn’t win shit.

First in: Cum Analyst took it for the team
Last in: the Gay Contingent
Happy to be here: Just Tux